Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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