peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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