i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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