he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
