If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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