Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
