I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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