i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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