I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
