I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
