This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize