So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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