I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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