i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
