I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They took my balls.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
