I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
