Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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