I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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