ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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