I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
