someone threw a dead crab at me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's shark week go big or go home
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
