the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
