did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
