These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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