No subtext here. People are naked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You took a bar mat shot.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
