she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize