Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
