it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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