I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You pole danced in your parka.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
