May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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