It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
