I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
