More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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