dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize