we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
