Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
