I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize