I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
