drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
