i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
