now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
