Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
