Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
