He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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