but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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