someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize