he puts the penis in happiness.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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