I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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