That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
