That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
