508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
