1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
