is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
