1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
