i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
