There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
