dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
