well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
