they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We're too hungover to prance.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
