There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
