how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
