My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
