just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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