I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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