So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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