I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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