Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize