When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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