dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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