K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
