I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
