GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
