I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize