Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
