It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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