i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
