went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
