I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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