My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
